Page 35 - Issue 05 2nd edition
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We all want support from our family and failure, and shame. We begin to believe
friends. We all deserve that support. Yet that not only do we deem ourselves
how do you actually get it? Here are seven unworthy, that other people see us that
simple ideas that will give you a starting way too.
point.
Accepting offers of help, even the smallest
Step 1: Share your story ones, reminds us that other people DO
care. It also reminds us that people need
When people ask us how much support we people.
got from our family and friends I have to
answer them truthfully: none. However, I So, the next time someone ask you “Can I
always qualify this with “We didn’t know help?” be brave and say “Yes”.
we needed support, so we didn’t ask
anyone for it. Although our family and Step 3: Seek quiet company
friends are brilliant they are NOT mind
readers.” When you are in the midst of your grief
you want to hide away in a corner and
Although you may feel uncomfortable never come out. Yet this is not healthy.
sharing what is happening, or asking for (Writes the woman whose social life used
support, you can’t expect people to know to be a trip to local at treasures in Lidl’s
that you need help if you don’t. You may central isle!). It is understandable what
be so good at putting on a brave face that you shy away from large noisy social
they think you are remarkable strong and gatherings where everyone else appears
dealing with the situation brilliantly. You to be happy and you feel like the odd one
may feel that they SHOULD have realised: out.
however, consider this for a moment.
However, company doesn’t have to take
Look at it this way. If you are not sharing this form. Instead, seek out someone that
information about how much you are you trust completely and explain that you
struggling with your situation then they would like some quiet company. Have a
may well not be sharing with you all the cup of coffee, open and glass of wine and
details of a situation they are dealing with. sit in a safe place where you can talk.
This means they may not have noticed Their role is to listen: not comment, not
how much you are struggling because offer advice, simply listen because you
they are struggling with their own stuff. feel voiceless and you need to be heard.
Step 2: Say “yes” when help is Step 4: honesty is the best policy
offered
Be clear what support you actually need:
Sometimes we need to be taken care of. again, people are not mind readers.
As we struggle to come to terms with our Several years ago Andrew and I were
situation the sense of our own self-worth staying with some close friends of ours at
takes a huge battering. We feel guilt, a time when the whole family was under a
The Childless Not By Choice Magazine: Sept/Oct 2018 Issue #05 35
