Page 9 - Issue 05 2nd edition

and mentioning the DJ’s gaffe, which I’m soften and my heart levitate. For however
sure was perceived as utter normalcy by strong one’s convictions and drive for self-
all who were present. I weighed the pros preservation may be, there is no
and cons of asking to pay half of the block replacement for human resonance.
party contribution. Though I’m mostly
through the raw and obliterating phases of “One of the most important benefits of
grief, I’m still obviously not getting the reaching out to others is learning that the
same benefit of having other people’s experiences that make us feel the most
children play on bouncy houses as their alone are actually universal experiences.”
parents do. —Brenee Brown, I Thought It Was
Just Me
And then it hit me. This block party thing
doesn’t fit my new life. Like most human “That was exhausting! I feel like I need a
traditions and rituals, the United States vacation!” Ten months prior to the block
block party is completely structured party, my husband and I were driving
around families with kids—people set up home from a friend’s backyard cookout.
food tables in their We had been asked if we
driveways, invite over It was right then and had kids, and upon
friends—most of whom there I gave up on ever replying “no” were told
also have children—while reintegrating fully into that “having kids adds
their kids engage in dimension to your life.” I
festivities on the street. the parenting world. I had been cast aside in a
Even if I had met my local had been operating conversation so that a few
“in-person” tribe already, under the assumption women could obliviously
why on earth would we reminisce about their days
want to put ourselves that if I shared and of diapering. And we
through this? Given all of communicated well, endured much
the other things we could conversation and mention
be doing? that I and people like of other people’s children,
me would be accepted fairly harmless except
Though I’ll never say as we are by the when you weigh in the fact
never, I had to that none of it was
acknowledge that the block greater collective and reciprocated with anyone
party may not be the most treated with trying to get to know me at
efficient place to assert the consideration for what all. “It was as if I wasn’t
visibility of childless even there” I said. “How
people. In a moment of we’ve been through. can you talk with people
clarity, my heart released for two freaking hours and
this human ritual too, still feel so invisible?”
tossing it into the abyss with the countless
other social activities people with children It was right then and there I gave up on
get to participate in so mindlessly. ever reintegrating fully into the parenting
Another one bites the dust. world. I had been operating under the
assumption that if I shared and
All the more need for a tribe, I thought as communicated well, that I and people like
I contemplated the massive loss of shared me would be accepted as we are by the
normalcy with our fellow humans the greater collective and treated with
involuntarily childless face. consideration for what we’ve been
through. Now please don’t ask me where I
A few days later I was texting a fellow got THAT bright idea.
CNBCer who I have yet to meet in person.
She confided that she hides out during It was from here on out that I started
their neighborhood block parties too. really valuing the energetic expenditures
Upon reading this, I felt my entire body required to traverse such mainstream

The Childless Not By Choice Magazine: Sept/Oct 2018 Issue #05 9