Page 8 - CNBC Mag Free Issue Edition 6

Michael Hughes and his wife survive Christmas by closing the
plantation shutters and setting new boundaries for their families
.
I must warn you that if you are thinking
you’re going to learn a subtle way of
surviving being childless, this is not for
you. This will be almost like a frontal
attack, something that Napoleon would
have been proud of.
Within most families there are
complexities that the pressure of
Christmas always seems to bring to the
fore. Ours is no different and last year
was a great example. I’d lost my job
earlier in the month and we were both
smashed by a bout of glandular fever—we
were not in a good place. My parents had
decided to make the effort to travel to the
UK to have a Christmas with my sister. As
they are both over 70 with varying health
issues, it wasn’t an easy time for anyone.
My wife and I are seen as the ones who
can successfully cater to many in our
family. So, for years we would slave away
for the day creating a memorable
Christmas lunch, only to fall in a heap at
the end of it. I would then try to come to
terms with how tired I was for just ONE
day, and my wife would be excited that
we had pulled off yet another fabulous
Christmas feast because she usually loves
Christmas.
Last year was different.
As a present to ourselves and as a coping
mechanism of being at a low point, we
8 The Childless Not By Choice Magazine: Launch Issue
decided that this Christmas it was going to
be different for us. Taking advantage of
mum and dad being overseas, we decided
that we’d close the plantation shutters,
turn on the air conditioning (we are in
Australia) and sit around in pyjamas all
day. We’d eat whatever we could get out
of the fridge or freezer—no special meals,
no roasting, no vegetables, with ice cream
at the top of the list.
It didn’t go down well. At the least some
scratched their head whilst others got
very upset.
This is because no one was listening, but
not due to any action or lack of action on
our part. We live a very overt life—many
years of dealing with various issues on the
psychologist’s couch has taught us the
strength in being open. But sadly, no
matter how many times you tell some
people, they will never hear the message
you are trying to send. Statements that
“Christmas is tough for us because it
reminds us of what we won’t have” or
“Sorry we can’t come to your child’s
birthday party because they are just too
upsetting” are ignored. Sometimes you
may get an answer as we did, something
like “Why don’t you like us, you never
come to our daughter’s parties” or a real
humdinger “Why are you always forcing
down our throats that you can’t because
you don’t have kids?”