There comes a time when we finally decide enough is enough. The pain of remaining where we are, is worse than the pain of moving forwards towards emotional healing. Unfortunately, because many of us have been focused on starting a family for so long, taking those first tentative steps towards healing can be daunting even if we really want to take them. It is as though our infertility has become a bizarre security blanket because we have had it for so long. It has become so familiar to us, and so all consuming, that is it an integral part of us. Although it is the cause of our pain it has also become the crutch that helps us cope with that pain. Letting go of that security blanket will be tough, no matter how much we want to do it, no matter how much we know we HAVE to do it.
Emotional Healing Video
I’ve created the following video so that I can share with you information about the nature of the emotional healing process, the importance of having a purpose in life and a great technique that will help you along the way.
Support groups help with emotional healing
At the end of the video I spoke for a minute or two about the benefits of belonging to a support group that is exclusively for people who are childless-not-by-choice. This is particularly important as you become more proactive in your emotional healing. Emotions that you may have suppressed for years can bubble up to the surface. You’ll probably want to talk to people who “get it” about these feeling. These are the main areas of support that have been instrumental in helping me to move forward.
Childless Path to Acceptance is absolutely brilliant. A couple of months ago I had a minor wobble (or rather a major rant) about an insensitive photograph that a close family member sent me. I was a little unsure of my reaction to the photo because I know that I can be over sensitive. By sharing the photo ( see below) within the group, I was re-assured that my reaction was justified: the photo was focusing on the person’s feelings about my childless state and was “asking” me to feel sorry for them. This when there has be NO support from them coming in my direction. You can join Childless Path to Acceptance (no ttc talk) here.
I absolutely LOVE being a member of Childless Chit Chat. It is everything that you want from a virtual social group WITHOUT running the risk of pregnancy announcements and the last photo of the funny thing member’s children have been doing. There’s the usual pet-adoration photos, funny games to play, jokes and hysterical YouTube clips to make us laugh. You can join Childless Chit Chat here.
If you do ask to join either of these group you will be sent a PM from Stephanie Phillips asking a few questions about your situation. Please do not feel this is her being intrusive. She is simply checking a few things to ensure that ALL group members are CNBC to protect everyone: in the past she has had people who are struggling to conceive their second child asking to join the group.
There are other childless support groups out there: however, if I haven’t belonged to them I won’t recommend them. If you discover a different group I would suggest that you check two important things:
- Is the group exclusively for the cnbc? Depending on where you are in your healing you may not want to be in a group containing members who chose not to have children.
- Is the group for people who are still trying to conceive? Depending on where you are in your healing you may not want to be in a group containing members still have the hope that they could become parents.
I also belong to the Anxiety Action to Recovery Group on Facebook. This group, run by the wonderful Angela Peacock, is a great source of support for people who have anxiety and panic attacks and other symptoms of depression etc. Angela is amazingly generous with her support and everyone in the group is LOVELY. For years I felt that infertility had stolen my identity, my sparkle, my mojo. I was really struggling in social situations because I felt so excluded from conversations that were normally centred about children and grandchildren. Whilst there may be talk about children in the group, because it is not exclusively for the cnbc, I have found the benefits of being in the group have far outweighed the negatives. I’ve been involved in a couple of small “challenges” that Angela has hosted and I have made huge strides in my ability to cope in social situations. You can join the Anxiety Action to Recovery Group here.
Finally, I would like to recommend Bonnie Hammon. You know I became upset in the video when talking about the “I’m going to be a Grannie” announcement I got last year. Well it is Bonnie who has helped me with that immensely. Now I know what you are probably think ….. “Nicci was really upset when talking about that so how has Bonnie helped?” If you listen to what I was talking about I wasn’t actually upset about the fact that my friend was going to be a grannie. What still gets me is that she cared enough about me to know that she had to let me know personally, and give me time to adjust to the idea, before the photos started to appear on Facebook. Andrew and I had so little emotional support whilst we were still ttc and not much as we’ve started to come to terms with our cnbc status that this one act of kindness still makes me cry. Not because of the understanding that my friend showed: because the complete lack of understanding that other friends have shown. You can find more details of Bonnie’s EFT work here.
When Andrew and I first heard about World Childless Week I knew that we needed to be involved and support Stephanie Phillips as much as possible in this new venture. We’d been feeling frustrated for some time that the childless-not-by-choice were marginalised and a forgotten sector of society. We were also frustrated that much of the support available and the awareness weeks is focused on improving fertility rather than how to deal with unresolved infertility or the other reasons for being childless-not-by-choice.
To find out more about World Childless Week and join in the discussions please visit the World Childless Week Facebook Page or the new (work-in-progress) World Childless Week Website